Star Trek: The Space Opera

"The Most Toys": Data is kidnapped by a collector of unique items, to the tune of "Lovely Ladies."
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Fajo
I smell profit,
Smell it in the air
Think I'll wrap my meat hooks
On that android over there
Lovely android,
Soon you will be mine
Not one of my friends
Could ever plan this kind of crime
Android data, what a lovely find

Data's crewmates
Saw his shuttle fly
Rigging an explosion makes them
Sure that he has died
Data's crewmates
In a sorry state
Little do they know that I'm
The one that changed his fate
Data, you'll think your new home is great.

Welcome data
I will grant you any wish
How does that sound?
Data
             Frankly my wish is to leave
Fajo
That can’t be done--
Data
              There is no reason for this
Fajo
That's where you're wrong: You are my favorite find...
I'm satisfied
Data
              Well I am not
Fajo
That can be changed
Data
              No it can not
Fajo
Well that's too bad
You are the best I've ever had

Woman
Listen Data
This is not a game
I've been treated badly
And for you he'll do the same
Go here, go there
You'll be just his slave
It is just the recognition that he really craves
He won't rest until we're in our graves

Fajo
Data, my dear
I hope that you like it here
Just look around... my treasures are without peer…
It is profound
Data
My friends will try to find me
Fajo
I don't think so…just trust me, they think you've died
No one will come
Data
             They think I'm dead
Fajo
No one will come
Data
             What can be done?
They think I'm dead
Fajo
But don't be overwhelmed with dread…


Fajo
Hello, Data
You'll be on display
I am so excited
That you chose my place to stay
Come on, Data
Change that uniform
Why can you not realize that you must now conform
Come on, Data
Will you please reform?
 Chorus
Come on Data
Come on great android
Come on Data
Come on lovely Data
Stubborn android
Come on great android
You are a stubborn android
Stubborn Data
What's an android for?

Fajo
Here's a new shirt
I'm expecting a friend
Don't look like dirt
I won't tell you again
This acid will burn that uniform off
Now will you change? Or will you make me laugh?
Come on Data, come along and join us
Put these clothes on

Woman
Come on Data, don't be so vile
I hope you adapt after awhile
You should realize that you belong to him
Your chance for life is starting to grow slim

That's right, Data, don't pretend you’re grand
That's right, Data, please don't take a stand

Data
Fajo’s just a tyrant, don’t you see?
If you help me leave this place I will take you with me
He has threatened your life many times
He should come to judgment for his hefty list of crimes
If we stand up to him, we’ll do fine
Fajo
Come on Data
Don't make me shoot her
Doesn't bother me, no,
But I doubt you would prefer

(phaser blast)
Sorry, Data, you left me no choice
You had better listen, or I'll stop another voice
Data
I could kill you
Fajo
             I do not think so…
(phaser blast and teleporter sound)
Riker
What was that?
O'Brien
                      The readout shows a phaser fired below...
Riker
Was our Data pushed much farther
Than we’d ever know?
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All lyrics copyright 2000 Devon Apple and Dominick LaLicata.
Names and characters invariably copyright 2000 Paramount Pictures, or whoever currently owns the Star Trek rights.
Names and characters have been used without express permission for purposes of parody.